She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
