I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
