I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
