Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
