Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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