Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You're a waste of cheezeits
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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