How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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