Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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