Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
