My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
