i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
