When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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