weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
