I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
