Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
