Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
