is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
