Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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