Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
