Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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