She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
