What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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