White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
