I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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