I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
