so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
