PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
