So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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