***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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