I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
