just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
