She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
