guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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