I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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