They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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