I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
