Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
