I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
