Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
