Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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