That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
