just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
