I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
