I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
