just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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