Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
