I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
