If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
