My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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