I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
