Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
