Your face is a jimmy john
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
